Posts by Melissa Schmalenberger:
We are only as strong as our weakest member. This saying is used in business and in coaching, but I think it can be used for our family as well. I have seen my role as a mother to not only comfort my children when they are suffering and to give them strength when they are weak, but to raise them to be productive members of society. I have always treated my children like little adults. I treated them like they could always do things. I never doubted their abilities. When I sent my oldest off to college I never worried about the little things. He flew across the country to Hawaii for his first spring break and flew through O’Hare and LAX and I never worried about him. I knew he was capable. He actually would do a better job than me.
But what I have been seeing when I work with families is that the children are out of control. Parents have lost the ability to get their children to listen and help around the house. I have seen parents that are exhausted trying to do it all. But I think what is often forgotten is parenting is a team sport. We need to first of all be on the same page with the person we are co-parenting with. I was a family law lawyer for many years and I know that co-parenting is not easy, in fact it is often downright messy.
It is a struggle if the co-parenting relationship is stressed. Some are on their own and they have nobody to co-parent with. Parenting is hard. Although there are millions of parenting books out there we all know that children do not come with instructions. Each child in a family raised in the same environment and home are different. Our end game result is all the same however; to produce productive members of society. The training ground is the family home. The examples we set under our roof are the ones that will take them into adulthood. But what is an exhausted overscheduled parent to do?
Rule 1: If you take it out put it back. This may seem like a no brainer but you would be surprised at how many people can not even do this simple task. As parents we have to set the example. If I take a blanket out, when I am done I should fold and put it away.
Rule 2: If you can help, do it. My favorite feeling in the world is when people can anticipate my needs. I like it if people hold the door open for me as I will do the same for them. I like to help out when my kids are busy by doing their laundry for them. This does not mean that you enable your family and always do it. But if you can help, do it. Kindness is a great gift.
Rule 3: Set the example. Be the change you wish to see in the world. If you want your children to do a specific chore, you should be setting the example and doing it too. If I want my kids to rinse their dishes, I should be rinsing my dishes too. If I don’t want my kids to be wearing shoes in the house, I should not be either.
Rule 4: Stay consistent. This is probably the hardest thing as a parent. We set a rule and it is broken within a day and we just give up. Worse yet is being the parent who enforces the rule one minute and forgets about it the next and then enforces it the next. If you set the rules, you need to make sure that they are followed. When my kids were little I said no video games on nice days. I wanted them playing outside or using their imagination without electronic stimulation. The minute it would start to drizzle the boys would run inside and tell me it was raining and could they play video games. Some days it would have been easier to allow video games all the time, but I am glad I was tough and “mean.”
Rule 5: Respect the property of others. When we live in close quarters of a home we often step over the boundaries of other family members. Your daughter may wear her older sister’s shirt. This is great if permission was asked, but often it is not. Make sure that we respect what belongs to other people and their space.
Rule 6: If it takes 10 seconds do it. Often we walk by the same mess over and over again. Look at projects as small bursts of time. When I walk from one area of my house to the other I often look for things to grab to take with me. It may be returning the laundry basket to the laundry room. Or perhaps it is rinsing a dish. Too often the small tasks grow into much bigger tasks that overwhelm us and we never start.
Remember we are in this together as a family. We all have the same goal. It is my hope in life that I have raised young men that will go out into the world and do great things, or at the very least have an organized home for me to visit!
To Joyful, Simplified Organizing,
Serving the Fargo-Moorhead area as well as North Dakota, South Dakota and Minnesota. Also seeking new representatives for Clever Container in all areas of the country.
We all are asked to do things that we don’t want to say “yes” to. But if you are like me, I am ill equipped with being able to say “no” in a way that I feel will not hurt the other person. We would rather hurt ourselves than say “no.” It makes no sense. I would say […]
Organizing isn’t always easy. We are surrounded by our possessions that often seem to possess us. If we think about buying something rarely do we go past the price of the item. We don’t think about where we are going to store it. We don’t think about having to clean it. We don’t think about how we are going to […]
Our country is suffering from an illness that is hiding in our junk drawers, cabinets, kitchen counters, kitchen tables, dryers and closets; I call it procrastination. As I was thinking about writing this post this morning I was telling my husband about it. He looked at me and said, “maybe you should get out […]
I am a self proclaimed book lover. I was an English major in college. I belong to book clubs. I have a basement full of books. But my book shelves runneth over. Looking at my books I know I have to make another big sweep. I want to get rid of all of the bookcases […]
If I were to look at your calendar right now would I be able to figure out what type of person you are? When my kids were young my life revolved around theirs. My day started before they woke up and ended when they went to sleep. I was a school volunteering queen, because […]
When did I become known as the handmade soap collector? I looked in my bathroom drawer the other day and I saw 9 bars of beautiful soap that I have received as gifts. I use the soap in my bathroom but one bar has lasted 6 months. At the rate I was going I was going […]
When I receive an email or phone call from a potential client I never know what I will get when I accept them as a client. My one requirement is that they must want to change. Usually by the time they contact me they are ready to change. If they are forced to contact me […]
When we bought our house we were intentional by not putting a television upstairs. People visit and comment on the fact that the television is missing. We had three young sons and we wanted to make sure that family meal time stayed sacred. We knew that a television would be stiff competition for our attention. […]
This post is dedicated to all of you baby boomers out there who are struggling with all of your possessions as well as the possessions of your parents and your in-laws and maybe even that childless aunt or uncle. You have been entrusted as the family keeper of memories. You are not sure how […]