Learning To Not Care In A World On Display

 

Did you ever have one of those books that kept appearing in your life. Yes, I am sure that there are some analytics that are tracking my browsing history as I find myself with yet another ad of the very same pair of shoes that I had just clicked on. But this is a book for heaven’s sake. It kept following me. The final straw was my cousin posting a cover of the book that was stalking my life. I took this as my sign to immediately download it and start reading it.

Yes, the title of this book can be offensive, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.” But to me it was thought provoking. Author Mark Manson was onto something here. I think if I had a mantra for my forties it would be learning to not take things personally, or in Mark’s words, to not give a f*ck.

The older I become the more I realize that what I used to be offended by is lessening. I am in fact becoming older and wiser. I wish I would have learned the lessons earlier in my life as it would have saved a few tears and much frustration. Here are some of my own lessons in the subtle art of not giving a f*ck.

Stop comparing your life to what you see on social media. We put our highlight reel up for everyone to watch. Rarely do we post the daily humdrum of real life. If that was true my Facebook feed would be something like this, “watched Wheel of Fortune in bed while having salad for dinner.” Who wants to read that? Truthfully that is my reality five nights a week. Welcome to my reality reel.

Don’t take things personally. Remember that time I wasn’t invited to a party and I spent the sight sulking and sad? Or that wedding I wasn’t invited to? Now I cheer when I am not invited. I tell friends don’t feel the need to invite me as I am fine staying home. And you already know that I will be found watching Wheel in bed eating a salad!

Don’t get involved in other’s drama. Oh, we really do want to help people. But it is an important lesson in life to hold people at arm’s length. Be a compassionate listener not an active participant. Don’t go to your best friend’s spouse and tell him to start picking up his dirty laundry. Rather give your best friend tips to help her accomplish goals with her messy spouse.

Don’t compare your home to the pages of Pottery Barn. We all know that real humans do not live in those types of homes. Yet we yearn for the glass coffee table with an artful display of moss covered balls nestled in a twig basket. When in our lives we have, a finger printed smudged coffee table with four glasses of sour milk and coloring books with markers without lids scattered everywhere. Yes, my home is picked up and organized. But I also am the girl who broke her toe in her walk-in closet. The closet where I threw everything when I knew friends were coming over.

Don’t compare your family to others. One thing I learned as a family law lawyer was many seemingly perfect families have serious flaws. We do not know the secret pain that others are going through. We do not know that that person with the perfect life can barely get out of bed every morning. It is easier to simply not jump to conclusions about how others are living.

Stay away from the people who like to create drama. Yes, I had that friend. Her life always seemed to be falling apart. But then one day I realized that she was addicted to drama. She would create it when none existed. By posting vague happenings in her life on Facebook, she would create a ton of online attention. She would create drama in our friendship where there was none. And then one day I simply took myself out of the equation and quietly exited the relationship. I was tired of the drama.

So, if you are still one of those people who actually cares what others are thinking of you, stop it. Don’t take it so far that you are a narcissist . But put on a little bit of armor and guard your heart and your feelings. Use your brain first to figure out the truth and then check in with your heart to see how it feels. And honestly isn’t this the same lesson that Elsa was teaching us in “Frozen” when she instructed us through song to “let it go….let it go…”

To Joyful, Simplified Organizing,

MS. Simplicity

Melissa is a Productivity Consultant and author living in Fargo, North Dakota doing her best of living a life full of adventure. Filling a life of memories and not of things! Melissa’s e-book on Kitchen Organizing can be found on Amazon.