I am almost 5 months into the New Year and my goals I set at the beginning of the year have started to fade. My energy had been zapped. I felt like a shell of the person I knew I could be. I really needed a kick in the proverbial pants. But then I got that kick, I took something big off my plate. Make that two big things. They were things that consumed my waking thoughts and ate up too much of my day. One was a personal relationship and one was work related. Both sucked my energy. They made me sad when I thought of them as I felt powerless to fix them. I really wanted to make them better. I tried everything I could. But then I not only cried uncle but cried and realized I needed to end both.
Ending things is very hard. I really didn’t realize how much of my day was consumed with thoughts of trying to make both situations better. I am a smart girl, I wanted to find the fix. I was dedicated to finding the answers, but I couldn’t.
My word for the year is authenticity and I found I was not leading an authentic life in those two key areas. I work for myself and I really am in control of my work. I have a strong marriage and great friendships and I am in control of my personal time. There really was nobody to blame but myself. I was the one who needed to take action.
But what I have found in the last week since ending both of the relationships, is that I feel whole again. I feel like my time is my own. My thoughts don’t wander and think about if I could have done something different. I am at peace. I know I did my best and I tried for longer than I should have.
Today I remembered a story about a table filled with full tea cups. In order to add another cup to the table, one needed to be moved. It didn’t work to stack them up as they would spill. You physically needed to move the cup off the table. But once the cup is moved, the space is clear. The space is clear to fill or to leave empty, the choice is suddenly yours.
For me I chose to leave the space empty until I knew that I was ready to have the space filled again. This time I would be the one in control over filling the space. And within the last two days I have had some wonderful things fill that empty space. I have been able to say yes to things I never would have had the energy to say yes to in the past.
Today I got a call for a wonderful opportunity connecting with some people that I admire and want to help. And yesterday I realized that I wanted to start taking part in events in our community again. Most nights I had been too tired and simply wanted to stay home and zone out in front of the tv. My brain had been working on over-analysis paralysis. Yes I may have made that phrase up. But seriously I would think so much about how to make the situations better that I couldn’t move.
We all know of people who are in over-analysis paralysis. Maybe they are like me and stuck in their head and can’t move forward. No movement seemed easier at times. But then I realized I needed to remove a few tea cups.
My one piece of advice is to do what my best friend did for me…she loved me and listened to me. She let me figure it out on my own terms. She didn’t demand that I make change. She didn’t tell me to get my act together and stop complaining. Ironically, she met me often for tea and talked through my decisions. She reminded me that as soon as I removed the cups from the table something wonderful would take their place. I just needed to have faith.
So this week take control of the time that is wasted that is housed in your head. Stop the energy of thinking how to fix hopeless situations. If you have tried your best, it is ok to move on. As my friend would remind me, it is never goodbye forever, it is just farewell for now. And just wait for something wonderful to take the place of what you removed. But take some time to relish in what was removed. Enjoy the empty space. Don’t be anxious to fill it back up.
To Joyful, Simplified Organizing,
Melissa is a Productivity Consultant living in Fargo, North Dakota doing her best of living a life full of adventure. Filling a life of memories and not of things!